Why it is Healthy to Grieve
Loss is a life event that is common to everyone. It can take many forms such as the loss of a loved one; a job; property; income; identity, a precious pet and many more.
As loss is part of our life experience, why do we live in a culture that does not embrace it? The simple truth is that if you have loved someone, or been attached to something which you then lose, you will feel the pain of that loss and find yourself in grief.
Grieving itself is not a single emotion but a collection of emotions; mostly the uneasy ones. Our culture has led us away from knowing how to manage difficult emotions, often resulting in suppression and denial which leaves grief unprocessed and therefore unhealed.
How do you know if you have unprocessed grief? Possible signs are:
Unexplained outbursts of crying, anger and frustration.
Unwilling to talk or even think about your loss.
Feeling overwhelmed by life.
It is hard to connect to people; feeling like you do not belong.
Good memories quickly turn to painful ones.
Wanting to move your life forward yet feeling stuck.
Keeping a lid on difficult feelings within grief can affect your wellbeing in a variety of ways. Additionally, there is pressure to “get over” a loss in a specified period.
Grieving can be a rocky road indeed, so what can be done to help?
Firstly, understand that all the emotions and feelings within grief are a normal and natural reaction to loss. There is nothing wrong with you. Learning to accept your feelings will lessen their hold on you. Becoming more familiar with your particular expression of grief moves you to a place of grieving with awareness. This means you are accepting yourself in all ways and being kind and compassionate to yourself (learning the art of self-love) which is healthy and healing.
Some people genuinely need to grieve in solitude but for many of us our grief needs to be witnessed and validated in order to be healed. A problem shared really is a problem halved.
Although everyone’s grief is unique, there are many common feelings and emotions. Talking honestly with others helps you realise you are not alone. Healing and comfort are available within community.
Surprisingly, love sits in the core of difficult emotions. In the case of lost loved ones, the depth of your grief will equal the depth of your love for them. As difficult emotions heal, a greater connection is forged with the love that remains within you.
In summary, unprocessed grief could be affecting your life without you realising it. Bringing feelings to the surface means they lose their power over you, and grieving with awareness is empowering.
When grieving, treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you would give to your best friend. Consider reaching out for support. It is through your vulnerability that the doors of healing will open.